it’s time again for monthly sanitation inspections, and in every migib bet (restaurant), shai bet (tea shop), t’ej bet (let’s say bar), and hotel (…hotel. what are you, simple?) what we discover is that since the last round of inspections, there has been no improvement, or in some cases, things have gotten worse.
i can jive with a certain lack of cleanliness.
i’ve been here long enough and eaten at enough places without getting sick that i figure all but the most disgusting of infractions are forgivable… as a customer.
as an inspector, things need to be up to code.
keep in mind that when we do inspections, i’m not really doing anything but standing there, giving a second opinion on things, and well, that’s about it.
i’m not making the judgment calls, i’m not doing anything particularly official.
but when my colleagues make the judgment call and turn a “hey! the ferenji is here! great day in the morning!” into a “you’re only saying that because the ferenji is here! this is bullshit! get that pasty skinned son of a bitch out of my establishment!” my options start to dwindle when it comes to available places to get a cup o’ tea, or a glass of t’ej, let alone a baya aynet.
i might as well put up a billboard with a big smiling picture of my face as i give the thumbs up, and underneath in big bold letters “dave: he’s bad for your business!”
anybody want to send a care package with a tshirt that just says “shut this shit down” it might make our job a little easier.
but it’s not just my bony white face being associated with shutting down businesses and assessing fines that’s narrowing my dining options.
i also get to see behind the scenes at all these places, and suddenly i don’t want to eat there anymore.
the crux is: lots of places in town enjoy the ferenji bump.
when alex and i go to family restaurant regularly for tagabino and beers, habesha customers begin to patronize the establishment more frequently.
what’s good for whitey is good for the locals, and this is true all across the board.
all the suks and shai bets are essentially the same, so we go to the ones with nice owners.
t’ej bets are all pretty negligible, so when we want a bottle, i get it from the shop that serves minja (they’re like mashan ninjas, except that they’re not anything like that at all. they are the disenfranchised class of rural farmers that get treated pretty shabbily by the rest of the mashans).
so when people see that not only is the white guy not eating here anymore, but the guy who does the health inspections isn’t eating here either (they’re the same person… it’s me). it’s like the opposite of the ferenji bump.
it’s the ferenji kick in the balls.
i’m the evil doctor karl.
up at dr. karl traffic circle is a portrait of the good (not) doctor, and underneath it says “we wish you long life.”
i expect by the time i leave, my portrait will appear on the other side of dr. karl circle and underneath—
“we wish you die and go to hell.”
* * * *
stay tuned for our next episode:
norCal pride nukes the fridge.
easy listening: 311 : running